It's a full moon-or almost a full moon. I know this, not because I can look out my window at night and see it, but because of the way people I work with act, because of the number of complaints I get and the type of complaints I get and how freaky things get. I'm a Human Resources Manager, so complaints go along with the job...but some days, it's just weird and I find myself asking about mid-day, "Now, why again did I get out of bed this morning?"
Today’s complaints (oh, and this is the order in which they actually hit my office and al complaints were made by different employees):
1: "Why do they keep moving me all around the plant? I just want to work one place and stay there-it makes me grumpy moving all the time."
My answer: "We're moving you so we don't have to lay you off--your job has been eliminated. So how’s that transfer working for you now?”
2: "Every time I use the restroom, the toilet seat is wet-do something."
My response: "Don't sit on the toilet seat. Didn't your mom tell you, you can get icky stuff from sitting on public toilet seats?" or "Do what my sister does and carry around those nifty little bottles of disinfectant" or "Isn't that a maintenance issue, let me call them" - (classic "pass-the-buck" move.).
I have several answers to this particular complaint, as it happens quite often. Apparently, full moons affect the ability to aim or something.
3: "Someone is standing on the toilet seat when they use it and they're getting muddy shoe prints all over the toilet seat"
My response: "Well, at least it's not wet".
4. “People are smoking in the bathrooms. It’s gross, it stinks up the whole place. You need to do something about that.”
Me: “Smoking is not allowed anywhere in the building, I’ll send out a policy reminder. Will that help?” (While I’m thinking to myself…you’re in the bathroom just after lunch and coffee break and you think the worst smell coming from the bathroom is the cigarette smoke?)
5. “Why aren’t people flushing used toilet paper? Why do they keep putting used toilet paper in the garbage cans? Don’t they know that can create diseases? If I get sick, I’m suing the company. I’m filing a worker’s comp claim and the company can pay for my retirement. What are YOU going to do about it?”
Me: “I’ll talk with the maintenance crew and have all of the stall garbage cans removed.”
Him: “They’ll just throw it on the floor.”
Me: “Well, if you see them do that, tell them to stop.”
Him: “That’s not my job.”
Me: “Then tell your supervisor or let us know if you see someone do that”
6. “Isn’t there something you can do to stop people from using their cell phones in the bathrooms? Every time someone does that I have to sit and wait until they’re done. I mean really, is it necessary to talk on the phone while you’re peeing? Isn’t the employee at all aware that the caller on the other end can hear what’s going on, especially when people flush the toilets? Make it stop!”
Me: “I’ll fix it. I have several other bathroom issues to fix, just give me a day or so.”
(Regarding bathroom complaints: I thought I’d kill all birds with one stone and created a sign, which was laminated and posted in every single bathroom that states:
· Do you stand on the toilet seat.
· Do not splash water around the restroom. If you make it wet, clean it up.
· Do not use cell phones while in the restroom.
· No smoking in the restroom.
· Flush all used toilet paper in the toilet.
· If you are found vandalizing company property, you will be discharged.
7: Or how about the classic: "I've been to my dentist 3 times in the last month and the insurance company is refusing to pay my bill. I'm mad, I don't have to take this. You fix this or I'm going to the President."
Me: "Well according to your medical file and your dental enrollment form, you declined dental coverage this year".
Him: "I wouldn't do that, show me the form."
And I did...in huge black letters scrawled across the entire length of the form it said, "D E C L I N E D" with his signature next to it.
I asked, "Is this your name on the form".
Him: "Yes."
Me: "Is this your signature on the form?"
Him: "Yes."
Me: "Do you see where you wrote, "Declined" across here?"
Him: "Yeah, but that's not what I meant. I meant to enroll".
Me: "Yes, but you also crossed off the part where you would list your enrollment information and also checked the " I do not choose to enroll" box".
And then he asks, "Well, is my wife at least covered because she's been to the dentist 5 times over the past month and a half and we can't afford to pay the bill."
I blinked, and then said, "Well, no-she can't be enrolled if you're not enrolled, and her name isn't on the enrollment form either."
And then he said LOUDLY, "Our company's insurance plan SUCKS!!!!!!" and stomped out.
7: Mr.”M” stomped in and wants to know why I'm picking on one of his employees.
"Am I", I asked. "How so."
Him: "You emailed me a documented event where someone complained she'd inappropriately released confidential information to someone. How do you know the witness isn't lying?"
Me: "There were five witnesses that saw and heard her do it".
Him:: "How do you know they're not lying and my employee telling the truth?"
Me: "Because 3 of the 5 witnesses were either supervisors or managers".
Him:: "Everyone picks on my employee, it's not right."
ME: "You mean like the 17 phone calls I received over the past two months from our vendors, employment candidates and employees complaining that your employee is rude, has hung up on them, is unprofessional, has used profanity and refuses to help them or pass their calls along?"
Him:: "Yes, that's what I mean, they're picking on her."
Me: "Well, then I assume you'll be taking all of these calls from now on and doing all of the apologizing for the company's representative who's just insulted them."
He also stomped out of my office.
8: My personal favorite today...I had to counsel an employee because he repeatedly lays down or sits down when he's working. This is hard to accomplish because there are people walking all around, forklifts moving throughout both buildings and equipment carts being pushed around.
Me: "You have to stop laying down while you're working, it's not appropriate, people are complaining because they're always having to step around you any you’re not getting your work done."
Him: "Well, they'd have to step around me if I was standing there wouldn't they?"
Me: “You can't lay down while you're working-you have to stand at the work station. Is there something wrong with you-are you sick-do you need to see a dr.?"
Him: "No, I just like don't like standing all day".
Me: "But that's your job-that's the requirement."
Him..."No, I don't wanna do that."
Me, in my most authoritarian voice, "Ok, let me explain something to you, I'm not asking your preference, I'm not asking your permission and I’m not making a friendly suggestion...this is a direct instruction-an order...you are required to remain standing while you're at the work station working-no more laying down on the job (I can't believe I had to tell someone that), no more sitting and leaning up against the machinery--people have to use it and can't because you're blocking it. Do you understand?"
Him..."Yeah, you mean just today right...'cause we're busy or something?"
Me: "Never...I mean you can NEVER lay down during work hours or while you're working...in fact you can NEVER lay down on the production floor, warehouse floor, sidewalk, driveway, or office...no laying down...anywhere...ever."
Him: "That just sucks...I hate this job!"
Me: "You may resign at any time. Also, if this happens again, the situation will resolve itself because you'll no longer work here". Like I said, full moon!
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