Memphis, and Why?

I'm starting this blog thanks to my daughter's encouragement, and since I'm borrowing the first part of this blog from her, this first one is dedicated to her.

The first part of my first blog is borrowed from my daughter, because it's her view of the beginning of my trip to Memphis this week and her interpretation of my calls and texts are hilarious...true but hilarious...and so it goes...

Monday, 3/7/11

"An early morning to see Mom off to work before airport trip to Memphis for a week.

She's still at airport now, in fact, wandering between gates. They've apparently changed them 3 times so far. So she rolls to one and waits a piece before a ding sounds overhead and a soothing Dove-commercial voice indicates that they've relocated, yet again, and she rolls to the next.

Once, can happen. But three times?

...Did they lose the plane? Forget what it looks like? I don't understand.

...Meanwhile, she's texting: "This does not build confidence in my luggage actually making it to me tonight."

To which I reply: "...It doesn't instill confidence you won't end up in Duluth, either."


...And she might. If they can't find a plane, how the hell can they be expected to find Tennessee?

...And anyway, this is Mom we're talking about.

...She's the human being with the most unholy luck at anything that I have ever seen. She'll order chicken and get beef. She'll book an aisle seat and get a window. She'll get soy lattes instead of decaf mochas, the cell phone company will up her minutes to 500,000 a month and forget to give her any texting plan at all, plus she's already had two concussions, and a severely sprained thumb this year.

It's only March.

...So with her bumpy head, and left hand in a brace up to her elbow with her thumb sticking out like an eternal hitchhiker, she's wandering around the airport with two bags of luggage, squinting at the boarding gate reader signs, because "something" got in her contact this morning, so her eye has weeped all her makeup off on one side and she can't see out of it.

...This is my mother: a winking, weeping, 5'2" disaster area, calmly wandering around Seatac willy nilly as instructed, and not even complaining about it, because she's just so used to this by now.

These are the genes I come from.

...So really, how can I do anything but anticipate situations like the ones I find myself in?

(Love you Ma, safe trip. Send a card from Bocca, or wherever the hell you end up.)"

...and now the story continues from my point of view...

I finally made it to Memphis after taking the grand tour of Seatac. I want to know while I was wandering around the airport, exactly where my clothes have been because they came back to me with sand all over them. It's like From Here To Eternity but just for my clothes. I want to know who they were frolickying around with. That's it! They're grounded!

Also when I finally got to the hotel the parking lot was completely blocked off so I had to drag my suitcases from a ridiculous distance...at night...in Memphis. Need I say more?

So I get my jammies on, gonna watch TV and find something Memphisy to watch, and guess what? Starbucks was started in Seattle and there's a Starbucks right in Pikes Market where they toss fish? Also, the original one is the only one that still displays the original mermaid trademark uncensored. So much for Memphisy TV! I'm going to bed.

Oh and one more travel travesty...my favorite BBQ place is no longer here. I don't mean it closed it's doors... I mean a friggin' tornado picked it up and IT'S NOT THERE ANY MORE! When will this day end?

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

but wait... there's more...first, TN weathermen are about as affective as WA weathermen--really bad at it, hence my being drenched for the entire day.

Next, after giving my first 3 classes today, someone brought in a cake...this large, donut shaped, multi-colored cake with multi-colored beads all over it and a naked plastic baby, sitting in the middle of the beads...oh and I was told that there would also be one of these naked plastic babies inside the cake, which is supposed to be good luck (as long as you don't swallow it or the beads and choke to death, I'm supposing).

Everyone seemed happy. This is a good thing! This is a King's cake! This is how one starts celebrating Fat Tuesday and opening of Marti Gras!

I had to go online and research, because that's what one does when one is overwhelmed by such a thing that makes no sense. Today is "Fat Tuesday"...didn't dawdle on why it's called that unless it has to do with eating a lot of the cake or something like that.

Anyway, the King's cake is supposed to be in memory of the 3 wise men. I don't get it, but maybe that's why there's so many colors on the cake.  The naked plastic baby is supposed to remind us of the baby Jesus, but why they also cook him in the cake somewhere-still hasn't been clarified. The beads were added...well, just 'cause that's what one does during Marti Gras, get beads...oh in a side note apparently the more one flashes men, the more beads one gets...again, how that ties back into the 3 wisemen and the baby Jesus I have no idea, but there's a connection somewhere-just haven't found it yet.

So I had a piece of King's cake, but didn't get the cooked in baby Jesus, so now I don't know what to think. Is it like the groundhog who sees his shadow and we get more winter? What happens if one doesn't get the baby Jesus in a bite of cake? I mean, I didn't choke on anything, so considering my luck, that's pretty good, but what am I missing out on? Now it's going to keep me up all night wondering what I missed,and I finished my book yesterday on the plane so I don't have anything but the directions on how to work the TV to read to help me fall asleep,and since yeserday's TV was all about Starbucks and Seattle, I figure, what's the point! So, Happy Fat Tuesday, let the Marti Gras begin! and please, God, help me get to sleep tonight.